Self Service....Really?

This is very sad.
And it takes alot to admit but, I've been driving for quite some time now and I just pumped gas for the first time the other day.
Unfortunately, it gets worse.
The girls and I had gone the the library and were about to head back home, but I see that Dora ( that's the blue Ford Explorer's name that I drive) is pretty close to empty. Since running out of gas scares me more than trying to pump gas by myself, I decide it's time for me to learn.
First thing to do is find the place with the cheapest gas, which is also one of the more busy places to get gas for obvious reasons.
After I find out which side of the vehicle has the hole for the gas, I start the getting-close-enough-to-the-pump part of the process. Harder than you might imagine, it takes about ten tries of reversing and trying again, for me anyway.

Ha! I say to myself, now I've got it in the bag.

It's button pushing time. Yes for cash. Yes for regular. Yes I can remove the nozzle and start filling up. So I grab the hose and take it over to the car to un-screw the cap......the cap does not want to be un-screwed. At all.
I finally put the hose back and start using both hands. Still not working. It's time to call Mom. What is she going to do to help me? No clue. But I call her anyway. While I'm talking to her a big truck with a big trailer pulls up behind me.
If this poor fellow only knew who he was waiting on.

It does cross my mind to ask him for help, but my pride is still not ready to give in. Now I'm sweating and praying and desperately yanking on the cap. And then, Pop! It comes off.
I happily run over, push all the buttons again and bring the hose over to the hole.....

The hose won't reach.

I'm wanting to go explain to the man that I'm and idiot who has never pumped gas before and he might as well go dig and oil well because it would be about the same time, but instead I jump in my car and move up a few feet.
Take three with the buttons. Yes cash. Yes regular. Yes you're a sweaty moron.

Finally I'm pumping gas. I'm so relieved. It's almost over.....but wait.

The cap is just as hard to put on as it is to take off.

Thankfully I was able to get it back on while trying not to make eye contact with the man still waiting to gas, and drive away with the little,tiny, scrap of dignity I had left.

If anyone knows of a little gnome who lives in your car and pumps gas for you. Please send him my way.